In a brief moment that felt like eternity She had the great sense of time being an illusion. Dissolved into Love. The crisp summer morning in the Botanical Garden. Close to Home. Open flowers that readily with their scent and unique color invited Her senses to Unfold fully. The soft-slow Inner Winther. Fully present. Sweet-strong separation. Abandonment acceptance. Empowering ecstasy of returning home. Home to Her. Finally. Free to just be.
As a Midwife, I truly believe in and have been blessed to witness the Mysteries and Magic of the Womb’s capacities. So when I was called to do a Big Bleed during a Menstrual Medicine session with Sjanie as part of the Red School’s Women’s Quest Apprenticeship 2019 it felt as an instant and confident big Yes.
While I’ve been practising MCA for 5-6 years I had already grown accustomed to taking off 2-3 days during my bleeding each cycle. So I knew the power of rest in accordance with Her calling. Therefor with the Big Bleed I decided to go ALL IN and luckily it coincided perfectly with my August Summer Holiday of 2019.
My plan was to stay quietly at home and explore the to me unknown territory of a Big Bleed.
I had dedicated nothing less but 11 days – that entire holiday to firstly prepare and breeze very slowly through inner Autumn into inner Winther and to return consciously into inner Spring.
In my previous inner Winther before the Big Bleed, I had clarity around how to prepare. So I had been on track for the whole cycle with primary awareness around food and exercise. I felt in great shape stepping into the Big Bleed. I had made an extra effort to tie up loose ends all around. The freezer and fridge were full of the right supply. And apart from this, my entire body was longing to have a good long rest. My soul too was ready as I had for a while longed to have more clarity of what was next to come. I had felt a great vision for quite a while I just wasn’t sure how to go about it. This I brought consciously as an intention – What was my next Big step?
It was Summertime in the North and the long evenings made it easy to love life. Inside it was the opposite. Inner Winther. During inner Autumn she had slowly surrendered to life lived on Her own time. Completely. Like time was slowly dissolving and replaced with the kind of deep presence that was so known in all of the Womb’s other trademark activities too.
There a deep connection with Her very existence. The sweet whisper of Her Soul. Discovering a perfect secret. A seed .. and it was all she ever wanted. And it was Hers! Her Secret Seed to bring to Life. Her leadership claiming Her ways and Rising as she crossed into inner Spring. Ready to Unfold. Unfold Her Mysteries.
The first days of the bleed went so fast I was just drifting and I had this amazing feeling that ‘the Love & Freedom of my Womb is unstoppable’. On day 3 I felt really tired and it was so welcome as I often feel the shift of energy for the via positiva on day 2-3 and the rising of energy is normally very present. By being so tied I felt invited to dive deeper and to stay all the way Home which meant staying a lot longer than I thought.
And I was deeply grateful to experience this as on day 4 & 5 came the Big insight about my next step. I’m still carrying this sweetly, intimately and feeling my ‘new mothering’ to this little (BIG!) seed – one of the truly profound, clear and simple receivings from the depths of my Womb ever. Write that book first!
To do a Big Bleed was enjoyable ‘work’ and a part of me felt like doing it every month although knowing that this wouldn’t work. To me a BIG Bleed is a quest that you take on when the timing is true. You choose the great intimacy with the Void Big time and it’s quite something to stand there naked alone and what are you really about then?
It felt like going to another kind of World. And then coming back into ‘normal life’ a little wiser on who you are, what your calling is about and simultaneously much more humble because What do you really Know. At all.
Initially I did wonder whether a Big Bleed would hold enough adventure to satisfy my soul for a whole holiday, but something in me wanted it this way – my entire Summer Holiday and very few plans. And honestly it felt like the sweetest, most powerful and joyful adventure. A complete surrender to what my Womb had to announce to me through the wisdom of a menstrual bleeding with full focus. Being, doing & breathing nothing but what She asked of me. Diving deep into the Inner Winther of my womb during high Summer time was amazingly healing and insightful.
It is my wish that every Womb who is called to do a Big Bleed will have their dream come true too.
Hanne S. Brøgger, Midwife & Menstruality Mentor.