The inner critic—that pesky voice that tells you you’re always somehow getting it wrong—has the power to paralyse you. However, it can also be an important catalyst for transformation and depth, if you know how to handle it. And luckily, your cycle awareness practice (with your menstrual cycle or the lunar cycle) can be your ally here.
In this article, we're going to speak about what the inner critic is, its deeper purpose in our lives, the connection between the menstrual cycle, menopause and the inner critic and how to handle this force instead of being held hostage by it.
What is the inner critic, and what is its purpose?
The inner critic is the part of you that passes comment on all the ways you're not good enough, pointing out what isn't working in your life and the world. It wants you to be like everyone else... only better. It also wants you to fit in...whilst standing out and being special! Impossible to please, it's fierce and relentless.
The truth we've seen from our years working as psychotherapists and our decades teaching Menstrual Cycle Awareness is this—none of us are ever going to be able to get rid of this part of us. Interestingly, it is actually trying to protect us. But boy, does it do it in a rude, damming and shaming way!
Along with the great protection racket it is running, it can also help you to reflect on what's not working, become more discerning and make positive changes for the better.
And the extra good news is that your inner critic can become the gateway to maturation and awakening, if you know how to meet and negotiate it.
How do you know when the inner critic has turned up?
It looks different for each of us, but perhaps you’ll notice a sense of unease, your thoughts speeding up, your jaw might be clenched, you may procrastinate or find yourself in addictive habits. You may notice it as the part of you that filters your words before you've had a chance to utter them.
Here are some cycle-inspired guidelines for handling your inner critic:
- Name it when it shows up.
As part of your daily cycle check in pay attention to when the critic has shown up. This simple act of recognising it gives you the wherewithal to meet it or create a boundary with it as needed. Cycle awareness can be a powerful mindfulness practice here—supporting you to track when your critic is loud or running the show.
- Bolster yourself to meet your critic
Using your cycle awareness practice to track your sensitivities and needs throughout the cycle month can help you to build a containment of nourishment and affirmation to prepare you for when the critic shows up, and buffer you so that you can do guideline three.
- Take your own side (and importantly, seeking professional help where needed).
When you dare to claim your strengths in the face of your inner critic, it can awaken a new found dignity and pride. In this way, the critic can actually teach you to take your own side and love yourself. The next guideline will help with this too.
- Use humour as an antidote.
The critic never expects humour, it only ever expects you to fight back. When you meet it with humour, it is disarmed. For example, the next time your critic tells you that you ‘always say stupid things like that’ (you know it's the critic if it's speaking in absolutes) try saying, “oh, I always do, do I? Every single time, every thing I say is totally stupid?” (said with a certain playful edge) and see what happens!
- Restore your critic to its natural home
Our top tip for working with your inner critic is to give it boundaries. And one boundary is to return it to the inner autumn when it shows up in your inner winter, spring or summer. To support the inner ecology of your cycle the critic must be kept out of the rest of the cycle and remain under 'house arrest'—i.e. in the inner autumn, where it belongs. Doing this as part of your daily MCA practice is building fierce inner boundaries and self holding. And when you finally turn up in your inner autumn and meet your critic, you'll be steadied and readied to really hear the powerful feedback buried within its insults. This dose of truth seeing will bring you back to who you truly are and what your life is about—think of it as your ally on the path of your Calling. We explore how to do this and more in Menstruality podcast episode 25: Befriend Your Inner Critic through Menstrual Cycle Awareness.
If you want to (who really 'wants to'?!?!) get to know your inner critic and learn practical and powerful ways of to meet it and harness its power, you can get Part One and Part Two of our Inner Critic Workshop Series for £120 when you buy them together (save £38).
