When I (Alexandra) was still dealing with intense menstrual pain, I was working as a psychotherapist in private practice. Fortunately my cycle was regular, and when my period was due, I would let my clients know that I wouldn’t be available.
They knew from the get-go that I needed time off around my bleed to have the space to be with my body. They got used to it, and it seemed to forge a deep respect in them. I held a real dignity around the process, and I didn’t feel ashamed that I couldn’t work - the boundary was non-negotiable because my health was the priority.
It was my cycle itself that helped me cultivate the inner skills needed to hold this boundary. Today we’d like to share three of the skills that can help you to hold your boundaries, so you can meet your needs, and move towards more health, vitality, creativity and power.
ONE: DEEP LISTENING
The full potency, power and revelation of your cyclical intelligence utterly depends on the quality of your attention – which is why we’re so hot on the practice of cycle awareness (in case you haven’t noticed!).
Deep listening helps you to unearth the unconscious and unattended energies that are at work. Cycle by cycle, it helps you to discover what you really want (rather than what you’re making yourself do) so that you can ride off the power of these desires to courageously set healthy boundaries.
How? At any given moment in your cycle, bring yourself fully present to what’s happening, without trying to control or judge it. Let go of the inner clamour and the usual assumptions, and listen respectfully to your experience. Let yourself be curious, and open to simply receiving whatever’s happening – both inside you and around you, and watch how your Menstruality experience ‘pops’ out and comes to life in a big way.
TWO: HOLDING THE TENSION
Our ‘default’ as humans is to run from discomfort and do whatever it takes to avoid difficult feelings. Many of us were parented with the attitude that crying is a problem and that difficult feelings such as anger and fear are to be avoided. Most of us have developed a range of ways to deny or seek urgent relief from the intensity of what we’re experiencing.
This is one of the core challenges when it comes to claiming and holding boundaries. The process of saying no to others and yes to ourselves can be intensely uncomfortable - it’s no wonder many of us people-please and deny our needs.
But what if you consciously choose to stick with the discomfort of boundary-setting? ‘Holding the tension’ is the skill that’s needed to do just that. It’s a strong and transformative act that will probably take a lot of ongoing practice. This truly Feminine way of working with ‘problems’ makes it possible for the obstacle, difficulty or hurt to transmute organically into power. But it requires that you learn to hold your nerve and trust your cycle process…
(You can read more about the power of ‘Holding the tension’ on page 215 of Wild Power). You can pick up your copy of Wild Power here.
THREE: BLEED ON IT
We love this one. The Bleed on It method is the menstrual cycle’s answer to how to solve intractable problems, such as how to hold a boundary, particularly with those close to you.
If you have a relation who is asking too much of you, or a work situation that is pushing you beyond your limits, rather than ‘sleeping on it’ try ‘bleeding on it’.
Your menstrual cycle is a container of time to incubate an issue, and menstruation itself opens you to guidance from your deep being. It doesn’t involve trying to think about a solution to the boundary conundrum; rather, it allows the space for it to reveal itself.
How? Start by setting your intention at the beginning of your cycle. As you move through your cycle month let go of trying to solve the issue, and instead observe, gather and incubate. If you find yourself getting anxious about still not having an answer (you might be someone who finds it difficult to take a back seat), remind yourself there’s still time. Then use the power of menstruation to receive - you may feel an in-rushing of energy, an inspiration, or a deep, quiet certainty or knowing revealing itself.
